I have been sensing it for a while, several months even, that a change is coming. There has been a change in the atmosphere around me. While I have an idea of what it is based off of how the Lord has been changing the desires in my heart and my focus, I do not know for sure what He has in store. However, it is His plan and I am leaving it all in His capable hands. Now this does not mean I am relieved of any responsibility while I wait for Him to further reveal His plan for me. It is actually quite the opposite.
As I have thought about my purpose for 2016 it has been to be intentional in a lot of areas of my life, yet I have allowed stress to sidetrack me from my goals. With the overwhelming stress I have been feeling, I have allowed my attitude to be affected and thus it has taken its toll on my physically. We are on week 8 of the New Year and I have already fought my first 3 day migraine in addition to the awful tension settling in my neck and shoulders. I refuse to live like this. I fully recognize that the majority of the issue is me. I cannot let things go. Perceived slights, misunderstood texts (whether to me or from me) or feeling like I am the one to take the blame for everything. It all eats at me and it’s worse if I feel like I have made the mistake. Didn’t I know better? I am better than this! Clearly I need to work on myself more. While I do repent, seek forgiveness from the Lord and those whom I have wronged, I do not receive the grace He bestows in return. I still wonder what more I could I have done to have avoided the situation altogether. Anyone else see why I need to work on my pride? J Yes, we all make mistakes and while I am one of the first to admit to mine I persecute myself for not being better. Sheesh. I need a break from me!
One way I am planning to take a step back from myself is to get off of Facebook. I know I have tried this before but I have never been successful at it. While I have thought about completely deactivating my account I don’t want to deprive people of pictures of my sweet Knightley. You are welcome! J Therefore, I have turned off all notifications from Facebook and will be deleting the app off my phone tonight. Facebook is a wonderful tool for keeping up with friends. I have been a member since January 2006 – that’s 10 years. 10 years of getting a beautiful outside view of childhood, high school and college friends’ marriages and babies. 10 years of reading political debates plus other frustrating and fruitless arguments. 10 years of seeing “Christians” slipping further from what the Bible says it means to be Christ-like to a worldly version of “anything goes, you be you, live how you want to and love Jesus too” or the pendulum swinging in the other direction where “Christians” are attacking the world for not being like Christ and taking offense over everything when we are not of this world to begin with. (John 17: 13-19) However, we have been sent into the world to make disciples (Matthew 28: 19-20) and I am not sure how making enemies of the world because they offend us is the best way to further Kingdom of God. So in order the avoid the risk of being identified as someone who is better known for what she is against than what she is for, I need a break from Facebook.
I have found myself scrolling through my news feed at all hours of the day out of sheer boredom. I have found myself getting caught up in gossip thanks to what I have read. I find myself getting angry over political posts or laughing at dirty memes when, yes, I know better. Over the years, I have found myself playing the comparison game with others, sometimes I won but more often than not I lost. Facebook is a great tool but it has become rusty and a source of infection in my life. It’s time to address the issue at the source … I will post pictures via Instagram but I will not keep up with comments. The Messenger app will also be deleted from my phone. I would love to completely unplug when I get home from work but seeing how my cell phone is the only way my family can get a hold of me in an emergency that’s not really an option but if I find other things that need to be removed from my life for a while then I will gladly do it.
Please know that I would still love to hear from you. My email address is firstname.lastname@example.org and I am available to you if you need to talk. I am 32 now and desire to simplify things even more so in my life. I have some books I want to read, I want to really focus on my schoolwork this semester as the classes are really not my favorite and I want to remove the distractions in my life so that I am available to hear what the Lord wants to tell me next.
I love you all!!
– Melody Faith