Single Life

Confession …

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They say (whoever, they are) confession is good for the soul. Well here it goes …

I am not perfect. It’s ok to be appalled now and that shift you just felt in the atmosphere was the Earth coming to a halt at that revelation 🙂 I am and always have been the first to acknowledge my faults as well as to apologize and seek to make things right when I have offended someone. However, I am not someone who informs a person when they have offended me. I always assume I am being too sensitive … which is true 9 times out of 10.

My biggest problem is that I still react when I have been offended or hurt. I am not always slow to respond. I do not think through my actions and thus respond in emotion. I did that this past weekend with a guy I was talking to on Christian Mingle but claimed I was merely teasing. He was appropriately confused by my response and in the moment, I was too. He called me out for it and I examined what I had said, the spirit in which it had been said and knew I needed to apologize. I did and asked for forgiveness.

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We had only been talking for a few days but it was fun having someone to share your daily life with them. We had both been willing to open up about things the Lord had been teaching us but I soon had the impression I was expected to be more vulnerable in my responses. That really doesn’t work for me. At. All.

I’m tired of being the overly vulnerable one. Now I don’t want a weepy man on my hands either. But there is a process of mutual sharing and I will not compromise on that.

So what’s my lesson from the first “healthy” interaction with online dating – the second time around –

Spiritual leadership does not demand but rather it compels you to share more.

Honesty is hard but absolutely necessary

I am not going to apologize for who I am and how I tease …however, I will be more thoughtful in my responses

And if forgiveness can’t be offered now in the beginning stages of getting to know someone then something permanent and God-honoring will never be able to be built because forgiveness of each other and our (many) faults will be part of the foundation of our marriage

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Until next time!!!

I love you all. 🙂

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Single Life

How Not to Be Creepy on Christian Mingle

Yes, I took the plunge again and got back into the online dating world this past week. Honestly, I have no expectations this time except to get a few laughs. Two years ago when I joined I was desperate to find a date to one of my guy friend’s weddings. I was in a place emotionally where I couldn’t imagine going to another wedding alone as my 3 closest guy friends had all found precious women of God and were getting married within a year of each other. I did end up meeting someone but he wasn’t able to attend the wedding with me as he had wedding he had to attend himself that day in another city. So I still ended up going to my sweet friend’s wedding alone but it was all good and I got a picture with my boys that day. My boys

The Lord has done some crazy awesome things in their lives and mine since this picture was taken two years ago. All of them live in different cities and are making a wonderful life for themselves with their wives. For me, I thought I might as well try the online dating scene again (at the encouragement of one of my best friends) as I am literally meeting no one right now. And the few guys I am meeting are so much younger than me that they are saying “Yes Ma’am” out.of.respect. … not as a means of flirtation. Seriously. So here I am on Christian Mingle again with the hopes of meeting some men my age and older … and let me tell you, online dating isn’t for the faint of heart. You have to go into this with a sense of humor, otherwise, this is will feel like mass rejection on an epic level, and with a willingness to wade through the creepy ones first. I honestly haven’t talked to any other females who have tried online dating before but I have a few boundaries that I have set up for myself when it comes to this process.

  1. If I am going to pay for this site then I am going to use this site.  So if a guy hasn’t paid for the site and is trying to get me to email him through personal email or find him on Facebook … then nope. Part of the lure of online dating sites is that you can control how much personal information you give out.
  2. I do not give out my phone number after the first on site chat or email. It’s just not going to happen … no matter how awesome you are.
  3. I do not post pictures of myself with other people without their permission. They are trying to find a date or mate so I am going to spare them from being looked at by strangers.

Those are my boundaries when it comes to the initial process. I have only met one person FullSizeRender (37)for a date from CM in the past and that turned out well at the time so I haven’t established any hardcore rules for meeting in person yet. But if you want to stand a chance of meeting me or any other person, I would hope, then please do not do the following …

Badger him/her for their phone number within the first five minutes of chatting on the website. It’s tacky.

Use abbreviations for everything. Do not be afraid of punctuation and the use of actual sentences.

Spell/grammar check your profile. Pretty is not spelled pritty. Grandma did not “pasted” away, sadly she passed away.

Tell him/her you love her by the second message. You will get blocked. I mean, we know we are awesome but it means more when you wait a while to tell us. 🙂

Mention in your profile and via chat that you like to “pamper” your lady or take care of your man. I get the general idea of what you are saying but when you mention this or that you are a physical touch kind of guy it sends up major red flags.

Post that you are looking to find a Proverbs 31 woman. I am not sure that level of perfection will be reached on this Earth. There are qualities about her that I strive to emulate. And I understand your desire to be with someone like that. I do. I truly desire to be with someone who is going to love me like Christ loves the Church. But unless you are willing to give references of those who can back up all the ways you have been like Jesus in your past relationships, by truly loving your girlfriend like Christ has loved the Church, then I say we let those specific titles rest and allow the Lord to work on molding us into His image.

Be on the defensive in your profile … Avoid I am not or I will not statements … it just turns people off.

Do not share too much about your past relationships, especially, if you are divorced. Christians never believe their marriage will end up in divorce but unfortunately sin happens. This is not the place to air grievances against your ex-spouse or to play the victim. This is your opportunity to show how you plan to move forward and if you have children involved, how you plan to wisely, lovingly and protectively involve a new spouse.

Try to force your opinions/beliefs/convictions on someone because you want to date them but they don’t quite match up … for example: I am basically a harlot because I have short hair, wear pants and read a version of the Bible other than King James. I have come to peace with my “sinful” ways. So I humbly suggest you move on. In the same way that I am not going to argue with someone about my convictions on not drinking. I respect your decision to drink and I do not expect you stop drinking when you don’t have that conviction … I just humbly suggest we continue looking.

Post a current picture with your eyes open that shows ALL of your face. Yes, we get that not everyone is great at taking pictures but surely you have at least one or two that you like. It’s ok if you are big guy or girl …there is nothing about me that is petite. If you show a picture of yourself that you feel pretty or handsome in then you will have better results than if you do not post one at all. Physical attraction is part of the initial process and if you do not have the confidence to post a picture then I am afraid you may be shortchanging yourself. In the same vein … don’t post too many of the same picture. Variety is the spice of life … or so they say. 🙂

These are a few of the most obvious things that have struck me as odd in the online dating world and have caused me to say, “Bless their hearts!” because there is one dating site that you can view other females profiles just to see how they post. It is eye opening, y’all.

So for those of you who are out there in this interesting online dating world with me, I encourage you to keep the faith, review your profile and take the time to laugh!

Blessings …

Random Thoughts

Blessed

My senior year of High School redeemed the hard, lonely years of Middle School and 9th-11th grade. Even in a Christian School, I had to take a stand for Christ and hold firm on personal convictions from time to time. I’m not sure that anyone besides my family knew how alone I really was but then the Lord gave me a voice. He gave me an opportunity to write in my school’s “Girls Only” quarterly newsletter as the Senior editor and I was able to pour into the other girls. It opened up a brand new world to me and allowed me to discover the joy of writing. By the time graduation rolled around I was genuinely sad to see it end but excited for what the future held in store.

In honor of all those graduating from High School this week and in memory of my own graduation 12 years ago (gasp!) I am sharing the lyrics to the song I sang at our senior chapel.

Blessed

I may never climb a mountain
So I can see the world from there
I may never ride the waves
And taste the salty ocean air

Or build a bridge
That would last a hundred years
But no matter where the road leads
One thing is always clear

I am blessed, I am blessed
From when I rise up in the morning
Till I lay my head to rest, I feel You near me
You soothe me when I’m weary
Oh, Lord, for all the worst and all the best
I am blessed

All along the road less traveled
I have crawled and I have run
I have wandered through the wind and rain
Until I found the sun

The watching eyes, ask me why?
I walk this narrow way
I will gladly give the reason
For the hope I have today

I am blessed, I am blessed
From when I rise up in the morning
Till I lay my head to rest, I feel You near me
You soothe me when I’m weary
Oh, Lord, for all the worst and all the best
I am blessed

You’ve given me joy, You’ve given me love
You give me strength when I want to give up
You came from Heaven to rescue my soul
This is the reason I know, I know
Oh, oh, oh, oh, know

I am blessed
From when I rise up in the morning
Till I lay my head to rest, I feel You near me
You soothe me when I’m weary
Oh, Lord, for all the worst and all the best, oh, ooh, oh
Oh, Lord, for all the worst and all the best
I am blessed, I am blessed

SONGWRITERS
WHITE, MAURICE/PETERS, JERRY EUGENE

The words of that song rang true in that sanctuary that Wednesday morning and they still ring true in my life today. I am blessed. From when I rise up in the morning till I lay my head to rest, I feel Him near me, He soothes me when I’m weary. For all the worst and all the best I can truly say I am blessed.

I love you all!

Random Thoughts

The Songs We Don’t Sing Anymore

IMG_2929I love music as it wraps itself around my heart and stirs emotions inside of me that, sometimes, I didn’t even know I had. But more than anything I love Christ-centered music. It speaks to my soul like nothing else can. And if music is going to have the kind of effect on me like I mentioned in that first sentence then I want to listen to and sing songs that bring glory to God.

Now please do not think I only listen to Christian music … I don’t. But I also do not listen to inappropriate music. I listen to the music of Doris Day, Frank Sinatra, Bing Crosby and the like. I listen to classical and instrumental music. I listen to Michael Buble, Josh Groban, Adele and some Country music up to about 2004 but I am selective in the songs. I have to be because I want to be intentional about what I allow my mind and heart to dwell on. I already have a time with holding my worries captive without adding more things for the enemy to target in my life. There’s no sense in giving him more armor to use against me.

So if you were to start my car my radio will either start playing KLove, the Sinatra stationIMG_2931 on Sirius XM or the latest soundtrack I am working on. It’s just how I roll. The Christian songs that I am most drawn to though are the ones that I grew up on. These are the songs that helped laid the foundation for my faith. They aren’t all hymns. Some were the “new” choruses of the day. And I love many of the songs that are coming out today as well. But there is something about Blessed Assurance that stirs my soul and brings forth a heart of thanksgiving like no other song can.

However, today this song has been running through my mind and rolling across my tongue to the point I had to find the lyrics to make sure I was singing them correctly.

We Have Come Into His House

We have come into His house
and gathered in His name
to worship Him.
We have come into His house
and gathered in His name
to worship Him.
We have come into His house
and gathered in His name
to worship Christ the Lord.
Worship Him, Christ the Lord.

Let’s forget about ourselves
and magnify His name
and worship Him.
Let’s forget about ourselves
and magnify His name
and worship Him.
Let’s forget about ourselves
and magnify His name
and worship Christ the Lord.
Worship Him, Christ the Lord.

The second verse is what I kept singing over and over again. Let’s forget about ourselves and magnify His name and worship Him.

Let’s forget about ourselves and our need to be something more than we are right now and seek to magnify His name and worship Him.

Let’s forget about ourselves and our need to be right and magnify His name and worship Him.

Let’s forget about ourselves and comparing ourselves to others and magnify His name and worship Him.

Let’s forget about ourselves and how many likes our status receives on our social media pages and magnify His name and worship Him.

Friends, let’s forget about ourselves and magnify His name and worship Him.

This is what I am purposing to do when the political climate of our country overwhelms … because it has been.

This is what I am purposing to do when life around me becomes too noisy and I can feel the anxiety welling up within me … because is has been.

This is what I am purposing to do when Satan attacks me in my weakest places … because he has been.

I am purposing to forget about myself and magnify His name and worship Him so that when I come into His house and gather in His name with fellow Christ-followers my heart will be prepared not only to worship Him in that moment but to live a life of worship outside of that moment.

So friends, won’t you join me?

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I love you all.