Yes, I took the plunge again and got back into the online dating world this past week. Honestly, I have no expectations this time except to get a few laughs. Two years ago when I joined I was desperate to find a date to one of my guy friend’s weddings. I was in a place emotionally where I couldn’t imagine going to another wedding alone as my 3 closest guy friends had all found precious women of God and were getting married within a year of each other. I did end up meeting someone but he wasn’t able to attend the wedding with me as he had wedding he had to attend himself that day in another city. So I still ended up going to my sweet friend’s wedding alone but it was all good and I got a picture with my boys that day.
The Lord has done some crazy awesome things in their lives and mine since this picture was taken two years ago. All of them live in different cities and are making a wonderful life for themselves with their wives. For me, I thought I might as well try the online dating scene again (at the encouragement of one of my best friends) as I am literally meeting no one right now. And the few guys I am meeting are so much younger than me that they are saying “Yes Ma’am” out.of.respect. … not as a means of flirtation. Seriously. So here I am on Christian Mingle again with the hopes of meeting some men my age and older … and let me tell you, online dating isn’t for the faint of heart. You have to go into this with a sense of humor, otherwise, this is will feel like mass rejection on an epic level, and with a willingness to wade through the creepy ones first. I honestly haven’t talked to any other females who have tried online dating before but I have a few boundaries that I have set up for myself when it comes to this process.
- If I am going to pay for this site then I am going to use this site. So if a guy hasn’t paid for the site and is trying to get me to email him through personal email or find him on Facebook … then nope. Part of the lure of online dating sites is that you can control how much personal information you give out.
- I do not give out my phone number after the first on site chat or email. It’s just not going to happen … no matter how awesome you are.
- I do not post pictures of myself with other people without their permission. They are trying to find a date or mate so I am going to spare them from being looked at by strangers.
Those are my boundaries when it comes to the initial process. I have only met one person for a date from CM in the past and that turned out well at the time so I haven’t established any hardcore rules for meeting in person yet. But if you want to stand a chance of meeting me or any other person, I would hope, then please do not do the following …
Badger him/her for their phone number within the first five minutes of chatting on the website. It’s tacky.
Use abbreviations for everything. Do not be afraid of punctuation and the use of actual sentences.
Spell/grammar check your profile. Pretty is not spelled pritty. Grandma did not “pasted” away, sadly she passed away.
Tell him/her you love her by the second message. You will get blocked. I mean, we know we are awesome but it means more when you wait a while to tell us. 🙂
Mention in your profile and via chat that you like to “pamper” your lady or take care of your man. I get the general idea of what you are saying but when you mention this or that you are a physical touch kind of guy it sends up major red flags.
Post that you are looking to find a Proverbs 31 woman. I am not sure that level of perfection will be reached on this Earth. There are qualities about her that I strive to emulate. And I understand your desire to be with someone like that. I do. I truly desire to be with someone who is going to love me like Christ loves the Church. But unless you are willing to give references of those who can back up all the ways you have been like Jesus in your past relationships, by truly loving your girlfriend like Christ has loved the Church, then I say we let those specific titles rest and allow the Lord to work on molding us into His image.
Be on the defensive in your profile … Avoid I am not or I will not statements … it just turns people off.
Do not share too much about your past relationships, especially, if you are divorced. Christians never believe their marriage will end up in divorce but unfortunately sin happens. This is not the place to air grievances against your ex-spouse or to play the victim. This is your opportunity to show how you plan to move forward and if you have children involved, how you plan to wisely, lovingly and protectively involve a new spouse.
Try to force your opinions/beliefs/convictions on someone because you want to date them but they don’t quite match up … for example: I am basically a harlot because I have short hair, wear pants and read a version of the Bible other than King James. I have come to peace with my “sinful” ways. So I humbly suggest you move on. In the same way that I am not going to argue with someone about my convictions on not drinking. I respect your decision to drink and I do not expect you stop drinking when you don’t have that conviction … I just humbly suggest we continue looking.
Post a current picture with your eyes open that shows ALL of your face. Yes, we get that not everyone is great at taking pictures but surely you have at least one or two that you like. It’s ok if you are big guy or girl …there is nothing about me that is petite. If you show a picture of yourself that you feel pretty or handsome in then you will have better results than if you do not post one at all. Physical attraction is part of the initial process and if you do not have the confidence to post a picture then I am afraid you may be shortchanging yourself. In the same vein … don’t post too many of the same picture. Variety is the spice of life … or so they say. 🙂
These are a few of the most obvious things that have struck me as odd in the online dating world and have caused me to say, “Bless their hearts!” because there is one dating site that you can view other females profiles just to see how they post. It is eye opening, y’all.
So for those of you who are out there in this interesting online dating world with me, I encourage you to keep the faith, review your profile and take the time to laugh!
5 thoughts on “How Not to Be Creepy on Christian Mingle”
I wonder if I should try Christian Mingle. Is it any different from any of the other sites like POF or Match?
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I honestly don’t know. I haven’t tried POF or Match. I have tried eHarmony in the past and CM is far less intense. I think the key is finding what works best for you! Thanks for reading!
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Good for you Melody that you are taking a chance on the online dating! One of the nurse practitioners here at work met her husband on Match.com and they are so so happy. She said she had to sift through the crazies, the desperate etc but she eventually found a wonderful man that she feels like the Lord brought to her.
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Thanks for the encouragement, Robin!