As I am sitting here waiting to get my oil changed, I am thinking through the last blog I posted. Blogging can be a catch 22. You never know how people will read and receive what you write. No matter how many times you edit or rephrase something then someone can still take misunderstand what you meant. Thankfully, most people seem to get the gist of what I am trying to say.
However, I did want to briefly clarify something from my last post … how I see myself. It’s true I don’t look in the mirror and think I am beautiful but I do have moments where I think or feel that I am pretty. To be honest, I would rather have those moments of prettiness than walking around with a personal belief that I am beautiful. Maybe that seems wrong to you but I am more concerned about reflecting the beauty of Christ than living with the knowledge that I am beautiful all the time.
It has been a lifelong process to come to this level of contentment. When I was in junior high or high school, I did hate myself and the image that was reflected to me in the mirror. I share this not to be pitied or to receive encouragement but because I know there are young teenage woman battling with this same self image issue. Praise the Lord I never turned to self harm in order to deal with the pain. Instead I just bore it and kept it to myself which in many ways is just as destructive. I want more for today’s young women. I don’t want them walking through years of self-hatred. I want them to walk in freedom that can only be found in Christ. That’s why I share. That’s why I write.
And I share about the online dating scene because some people think that it’s the cure-all to dating. Ha. Singles ministries are not what they used to be if churches even have them anymore. I have shared with a few of my coworkers that I am in this 1% minority, even within the Church, now based off of the standards the Lord has given me. And trust me, I am not bragging about this … it’s just the reality I am living in. And I am ok with it. I know that I will not and cannot settle so that is not an option.
So to my precious friends who read my blog please know that I am ok! I am good. I am just being open and honest about this journey that I am on.
I love you all!